I lost my virginity very late. Was nothing romantic about it.
I was about to get married for papers to my gay fiance, and couldn't stand that I'm getting myself into a fake marriage while still being a crystal clean virgin.
It was on a ceremony day. I don't remember clearly, what was the reason I ended up at old friend's apartment, but we did it there. It was an early afternoon right before the ceremony. I initiated the sex, and my friend wasn't stupid to miss his chance. It wasn't love even from my side. It was a business act. Somewhere deep in my heart I felt so sorry for a little scared girl going against the immigration law and playing a grown up when she had such little pleasure in life. And somewhere even deeper I felt sorry for her because she wasn't getting married for love or for choice, that her parents weren't there and never will be.
But I did it. Five months later my fake husband dumped me and moved up north, and I gave him the money he wanted, and bought myself a car and a first year of school tuition.
At least I wasn't a virgin anymore.

Anastasia 3:25 PM
hello
vlad 3:58 PM
hlo
Anastasia 3:58 PM
i thought you dont want to talk to me anymore)
vlad 4:06 PM
no
Anastasia 4:07 PM
meaning you dont want to talk, or you want to talk
vlad 4:07 PM
i like talking to u
Anastasia 4:07 PM
why were you so silent since the trip?
vlad 8:31 PM
no reASON
Anastasia 9:43 PM
i had to cancel my trip to belarus, im really upset. you should call me to meke me feel better)
vlad 10:02 PM
?why cancelled
10:02 PM
?
Anastasia 10:07 PM
long story short, because o some visa restrictions
10:07 PM
i'll probably go in may, ake the summer semester off
vlad 10:09 PM
sorry
Anastasia 10:09 PM
i've made so many plans with friends, parents
10:10 PM
that's ok though
10:10 PM
just a question of time
10:39 PM
i'm sorry, but i'm not ok with one side communication like that
vlad 10:39 PM
ok
Anastasia 10:42 PM
i'm developing feelings for you, and if you are not on the same page, it just doesn't make sense
vlad 10:43 PM
what do u mean?
Anastasia 10:43 PM
i mean what i said)
vlad 10:43 PM
i didnt understand what u meant
Anastasia 10:44 PM
i meant i'm not getting response from you
vlad 10:45 PM
i didnt hear a question
Anastasia 10:46 PM
it doesn't have to be a question, it about communication
vlad 10:49 PM
how u see it? long distance, i mean? its not a viable relationship
Anastasia 10:51 PM
before making a change from long distance to a short distance relationship, i needed sort of confirmation you are there for me, which i didn't get
vlad 10:51 PM
last time i checked u r not willing to transfer to NY school...
Anastasia 10:53 PM
and you gave up, huh
10:56 PM
you know what, i'm probably taking away your valuable time from meeting local candidates, so i'm just going to make myself scarce
10:56 PM
or5ry to bother
10:56 PM
sorry

It seems like I'm getting hurt again. This time for real. I don't think I'll have any trust in people left.

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Current Location: 33.8460,-84.3631

Человек, который спит в позе жаждущего

Узнать, что поза в которой вы спите говорит о вашем внутреннем мире

Tак что то захотелось написать о чем то душевном. Тол ко не знаю о чем. Мое сознание зависло где то между воспоминаниями о том, как меня в детстве прокатывали по клавишам пианино за неверно сыгранный урок и тем, как я заставляю себя спать с парнями, которые меня не возбуждают.
Пфф.

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I miss it. I miss tiny studio on 10th street, I miss ordering sushi in, I miss your hand kindly holding my hair making sure it doesn't curl around chopsticks, I miss you oversized glasses and your wise dark eyes looking through me, constantly searching and analyzing, making million judgements at a split second. I miss that ridiculously large map you carry around when taking subway, stupid unnecessary umbrella. I miss you getting mad at a poor Chinese server for not letting you substitute rice for noodles with duck that you love. I miss making love to you, I miss you being rough and gentle, I miss your jealousy, I miss you saying I'm tall and amazing. I miss you turning my three day getaway in exciting "Manhattan" movie starring not Mariel Hemingway, but me. In sorry I'm not going to call. I'm sorry I broke your heart. I wish you knew how truly sorry I am.

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Talked to my dad today told him I was coming home soon. He was happy to hear that but not overly excited. Which s not the matter but anyways. My life is different than theirs. So different . I work like a hoarse but I also can afford flying to NYC for a blind date. We live in different worlds , so to speak. And the distance is growing . They show my photos to friends and family as if I'm N alien monkey. Cheers! Happy New years.
Drinking malbec while waiting for an airplane.

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I'm smoking hookah and he is decorating christmas tree.

Drove myself back from work today. And fucked up the tires.

Drove myself to work today. Wow.

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